For those of you who don't know about Rascal, here's a brief history. Rascal was a rescue dog from an abusive family. I was about 7 years old when he came into my life, Rascal was about 1 1/2 years. He was very skittish around us. Just about every movement we made he would hide in a corner and shake and cower. He was afraid of sticks, shouting, flashlights, cameras, even when we would touch him the slightest bit to pet him he would run off. We didn't give up on him, we knew it would take some time for him to get used to us, and it did, but he eventually came around. He became more playful and friendly toward us. At 3 years old we discovered Rascal had epilepsy after a massive seizure he had in my parents room one night. It scared us, but we took care of him. He was prescribed phenobarbital twice a day for the rest of his life to help reduce the number and intensity of the seizures. Of course the medicine wasn't cheap, but we had to get it to help make life a little easier for him. As he got older the more he fell apart. The seizures got worse, he went blind, and he had a hard time walking and standing. He was just existing, not living.
Last night it really started to hit me. I went into the backyard and sat on the wet grass next to my dog. I just loved him and pet him, wishing there was some way that I could keep him. I couldn't believe that he was going to be gone in the morning. Mom and dad joined me in the backyard to love him. I can see that he wasn't happy.
This morning I brought Rascal into the house and into my parents room. I sat there on the floor with him. When my brother Steve came over, we all went into the living room to talk, I brought Rascal with me. I just sat there staring at him, petting him on the head. It wasn't until Steve Picked him up off the floor to put him in the car that I really started crying. I begged dad to stop this and not let him go. I was being selfish in wanting to keep Rascal longer, but in my heart I knew it had to be done.
I cried for about half an hour in the house with dad comforting me before we finally left. I pet him the entire way to the animal shelter, sobbing off and on. While Steve carried him into the office, I held his head and wouldn't let go. A vet came and got him and carried him down the hallway out the door. The sobs got worse, I couldn't control them. I clung on to dad for support and he held me tight.
Steve went into the back to see if my aunt's lost cat had turned up there. He told me he could see through one of the room windows Rascal being put to sleep. He said there were three people in there petting him and loving him as he was going.
The sobs didn't end. I cried all the way home and even went back to bed crying. I went into the kitchen to get some water and looked out the window into the backyard. I didn't like seeing an empty lawn with no dog lying in the middle of it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I sunk to the floor and cried some more for a long time.
This has been happening off and on all day today. One minute I'm perfectly fine and then the next I'm sobbing again uncontrollably.
Thank God I have so may wonderful people in my life. Stacie and Danny came by to see how I was doing. Cassie offered her shoulder to cry on. Narineh and Sunny have been checking up on me all week. Timothy is coming to see me after work to help ease my pain. And I have a family who is always here to let me know it's alright to cry.
I miss my big dopey puppy. He was a mutt, but we still loved every part of him. Goodbye Rascal, may you finally rest in peace. I love you baby dog.
